Top of the World
by Phantasmagor1a
Summary: Starting from where Meet Me Backstage ended. Tokio Hotel, Bill Kaulitz slash.
1. Chapter 1

_"I'm sorry."_

_"No, we'll work this out. Trust me, we-"_

_"It's no use, Gabe. We're broken."_

_"Don't say that, Bill. Just, please-"_

_"No," he said, turning around sharply and walking out the door._

Gabe stood leaning against the granite pillar with his arms folded across his chest, waiting. A group of teenage girls were a few feet away from him. He listened quietly to their screams.

"I almost fainted-"

"He was so...cute..."

"Sex on two legs I tell you-"

Gabe wished they would just shut up. A cold wind blew by him and he hugged his jacket closer to conserve body heat. The girls moved away from the spot.

"Into the mall, probably. Fucking hipsters," Gabe thought to himself. An old fellow in a pair of dark blue overalls and a white turtleneck underneath walked past, cleaning the ground with a mop that still had the decaying remains of someone's vomit on it. Gabe stepped aside to make way for him and got a yellow-toothed grin in return.

"Waitin' for the band?" the Janitor asked.

"Yeah."

"Fuckin' Europeans pigs."

"What?"

"I fuckin' spent two hours cleanin' up the shit they left behind backstage last night."

"Oh, yeah. I guess."

"They're music's nuthin' special either," the janitor said, reaching into the front pocket of his overalls and pulling out a copy of Humanoid, "Found this piece of crap in one of the recyclin' bins. I was plannin' on sellin' it on Ebay. You can have it for five bucks." Gabe checked his pockets. He had a ten dollar bill, all the money that he had left for the month. He gave it to the janitor and took the CD.

"Have a nice day, sir," the old man mumbled, taking the note and walking away. The mop he had with him trailed behind him, leaving a wet path on the floor. Gabe stared down at the CD he'd just spent his next three dinners on. It was a waste. He already owned at least five copies of that. But seeing it had made a certain memory return to him in high definition.

_"Guess what?" _

_"What?" Bill asked, his voice muffled as he covered Gabe's neck and chest with kisses._

_"I bought the Humanoid Special Edition CD," Gabe managed say breathlessly. Bill stopped._

_"What?" he asked, straightening up._

_"I bought-" Gabe tried to repeat his sentence but Bill cut across him._

_"No."_

_"Why?"_

_"I told you to come to me whenever you wanted a CD or anything. You don't have to spend the money."_

_"I know I don't, but I want to," Gabe replied. Bill stared at him for a while before his lips curved into a smile. He licked his already wet lips and leaned over Gabe again to continue where he left off._

The memory faded into nothingness in Gabe's mind, replaced with the sound of an engine. He looked up as a white Mercedes exited the parking lot. In one of the windows, the unmistakable silhouette of Bill Kaulitz stared out of the car; out of the car and right at Gabe, who watched the silhouette turn away and wipe its eyes on the back of its hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Bill Kaulitz looked down at the sleeping figure on his chest. He lifted one of his hands up and tucked the other one behind his head, sighing. He ran his fingers through her blonde hair gently. She was everything he could ever have asked for in a partner. She was all he needed to be happy. But he wasn't. A confident, sophisticated, amazing woman who loved him was using his chest as a pillow. That was something that would have made his night perfect. It didn't.

"Insomnia again?" she asked. She was awake.

"Maybe," Bill said. She lifted herself up slightly, getting off his chest to rest her head on the pillow instead. He rolled onto his side, staring at the face of Stefani Joanna Angelina Germanotta. The world knew her as Lady Gaga, but he loved calling her Stefani. It felt more real.

"How long was I asleep for?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes.

"An hour. You were tired. All the dancing," he replied.

"My tour starts in a week, Bill, I need to practice," Stefani mumbled sleepily, pulling the blanket further up her naked body.

"Still too much dancing," he replied, helping her tuck herself in. She moved closer to him.

"You treat me way too well," she mumbled, smiling slightly. She was about to fall asleep again. Bill watched her breathing becoming slower, deeper. Once he was absolutely sure that she was fast asleep, he crept out of bed and out of their hotel room. Insomnia had plagued him since he was a teenager. The success of Tokio Hotel had only made it worse but Bill would have picked success over sleep any day. The insomnia had worn off slightly during the short year he had spent with Gabe but now it was back. A late-night walk always seemed to help. It couldn't knock him out entirely, but it did calm him down, and that was exactly what he needed.

Bill thought about Stefani as he wandered the cold corridors. He'd been dating her for slightly more than a year. They had managed to keep it a secret. Even most of the people who worked for Tokio Hotel and Lady Gaga had no idea. The both of them had met at a hotel in the South of France after attending an award show. Both of them had problems sleeping and had bumped into each other while they were loitering in the corridors. The first thing Bill had noticed about her was how tiny she was. He was at least a foot taller than her. They were both in what they wore to sleep. In her case it was a lavander nightgown that came down to her knees, and a silk robe of the same colour over it. He could still remember her having problems identifying him without his makeup on or hair styled. It was only after he'd told her his name that she suddenly realised who she'd been speaking to.

"You're the lead singer of Tokio Hotel, aren't you?" Stefani had said. He couldn't help but chuckle.

"Nice to meet you, Lady Gaga," he had replied. He loved speaking to her already. There was something he found in her that he didn't believe he would have found any other girl. There was absolutely nothing weird or strange about her as everyone described. She was just, her, and he understood her perfectly. They'd talked until dawn the next day, and then she told him that she needed to go get ready for her show.

"You play shows in the mornings?" Bill had asked.

"No, it starts at in the evening. I just have to go get ready," was what she replied. He hadn't believed that she would have needed at least 10 hours to prepare for a show, but he'd let her go anyway. The next night, she wasn't anywhere to be found. He had to admit to himself that he was starting to lose hope of ever speaking to her again. It had seemed too good to be true, but two nights after their meeting the room-service had brought him his dinner to his room along with a note from her. He still remembered the contents of the note.

"Bill," was written in a delicate cursive, "I'm sorry I had to leave so soon. I did sleep for a while after I got back to my room, thanks to you. My show that night was amazing. It's my last night here before my European tour ends and I'll be whisked back to the States. I really want to speak to you again. Will you meet me at the crystal ashtray on Level 25 at midnight. Yours sincerely, Stefani."

He remembered being estatic after receiving the note. She really wanted to speak to him again, and he was no fool to want to disappoint her. Ten minutes before midnight, he was at the crystal ashtray where they first met. He had thought of bringing his cigarettes, but was afraid it would cast a dark cloud on their relationship if she were to see him smoking on their second meeting. So he didn't. She had come to him at exactly midnight, not a minute too late.

"You're here," a voice with a New-York accent and a dream-like quality had announced Stefani's arrival.

"Of course," he replied, straightening up. He'd been leaning on the railings as he waited for her. Standing still, almost dazed, he waited for her to come closer, nearly passing out as she wrapped her arms around him to greet him.

"You're stiff," she had said. He laughed at the sexual pun in that phrase, making her realise it as well and pull back.

"You don't like hugs?" she asked bluntly.

"No, I love them. I really do. It's just that yours took me by surprise," was what he replied.

He remembered how distant she'd seemed in the minutes that followed.

"Just great," he had thought, and made every effort to make Stefani trust him. That wasn't necessary. She already trusted him. The two of them had talked till dawn. They had exchanged phone numbers and shortly afterwards, bodily fluids. He had promised to call. Call her he did, a day later when she had flown a thousand miles away from him. The rest was history and the present was supposed to be fabulous. It just wasn't to him.

Bill pushed aside one of the sliding doors and stepped out onto a small balcony. The hotel overlooked the ocean. The cool sea breeze wrapped around him like a couture blanket, but all he could think about was a man he'd left behind. He thought of Gabe.


	3. Chapter 3

"Next," Gabe called out.

"Two sundaes," a familiar voice rang out. He looked up. It was Katy. She was smiling back at him just the way he remembered her.

"You bitch!" he half-shouted, getting out from behind the counter and pulling her into his arms, "I'm so happy to see you."

"I missed you, Gabe. I can't find you anywhere nowadays. I called your old boss and he told me you'd quit that job. You could've called or emailed or text-messaged or anything," she mumbled. He could sense how close she was to tears. He pulled back slightly to look at her face. He was about to come up with a reply to her when another harsh voice filled the store.

"You're not getting paid 2.50 an hour to play around with your girlfriend. Get back to work!" Gabe's manager ordered. Gabe flinched at the sharp voice, shaking his head.

"My shift ends at 3. I'll tell you everything," he told Katy, letting go of her. She nodded and walked back out of the store slowly. He sighed, going back to his place behind the counter. There weren't any customers. There never were any at 2.30am. Gabe hit his fist on the counter to get rid of some of his frustration and heard the store manager calling out for him to come to his office. Upset and thoroughly annoyed, he walked to the manager's office and let himself in, slamming the door behind him. The store manager had an expression of disgust on his face as he scanned Gabe. It was the kind of expression people had on their faces when they tasted semen from an alcoholic smoker for the first time.

"How many fucking problems, Holmes?" the store manager grumbled, "We're not paying you enough? Or we work you too hard? I've never seen someone as big of a pussy as you are. Do you know that?"

Gabe didn't need to hear all the whining that scumbag had in store for him. He turned around and yanked open the door, trying to get out of the office and go back to the counter.

"You stop right there, you fag. Let me tell you something. I've been kind enough to let you work here. I even closed both my fucking eyes to your screwed-up past and is this how you show me respect? This store doesn't need useless pieces of shit like you," the store manager continued.

Gabe slammed the door shut again before it was half open and turned back to look at the balding old man behind the desk with the pot-belly that would put pigs to shame.

"Then fire me, you diabetic pimp. Don't think I don't know what business you carry out behind this fast-food joint. Your hookers come in here every night to get their clients and frankly, it's disgusting. I'm sick of it. If you don't need me here just fucking fire me," Gabe shouted at him. The store manager got up from his desk. He walked towards Gabe menacingly until they were both eye to eye. The smell of cheap aftershave mixed with female ejaculation on the old man's breath choked Gabe.

"You're fucking fired," the store manager growled, pulling open the door and shoving Gabe out. Gabe fell back onto the greasy floor and had his foot almost crushed in between the door frame and the door as it was slammed shut. He pulled it away just in time. Kicking the wood, he stood up and wretched his apron off, going downstairs to the lockers to get his things. He spat into the oil used to fry the french fries on the way out, earning him an insult from one of his ex-colleagues, and headed out the front door, finally free. He recognised Katy's car in the parking lot nearby and walked towards it.

"I thought your shift ended at 3?" she asked as he clambered in.

"I got fired," Gabe said, smiling. He turned to look at her. Her eyes were red. She'd been crying.

"Katy, why? What's wrong?" he asked.

"You," she said, her eyes filling up with tears again, "Look at you. You're a wreck."

"I'm fine," he explained. The truth was, he was lying. He wasn't fine, and he was a wreck.

"You know you're not, Gabe. Ever since you broke up with Bill, you don't make sense anymore. You're losing jobs, you're just disappearing. I'm sick of it," she cried. Gabe was at a loss. He couldn't bear to agree with her but he couldn't disagree either. She knew everything about him, even things that he didn't know about himself.

"I'm just a little, messed up, Katy," he said, "I'll be fine."

"A little messed up?" she screeched, "People have seen you sleeping at bus-stops, Gabe, and showering in the sinks at gas stations. I'm betting all the stuff you've got on you now is all that you have left. You're so messed up I can't even stop to think about how you got this way."

"I'll get over it. I always do. I just need time on my own," Gabe shouted back. Katy started the engine on her car and put her hands on the steering wheel.

"Get out of my car," she growled.

"What?"

"I said get out of my car."

"Why?"

"If you think you can do this by yourself, Gabe. If you think that you can just disappear as and when you want, and keep losing jobs, and failing in everything and making excuses, then get out of my car," Katy said. Her hands were gripping the steering wheel so tight the veins on her arms looked like they were about to burst. Gabe shook his head, shifting in his seat to look right at her. She didn't cast so much as a glance at him. He relaxed his shoulders, sighing.

"I need your help," he said. He wasn't so much as asking for Katy's help as he was in admitting to himself that he needed it.

"I need your help, Katy. Please," he begged. She relaxed her grip on the wheel slightly.

"We're going home," she said softly, pushing her foot down on the accelerator.

"Anywhere with you is home to me," Gabe replied. Katy pretended not to have heard that statement as she drove.


	4. Chapter 4

"Bill?" she called out.

"I'm here," Bill said. He lay sideways on the queen-sized mattress, reading the letter from Tokio Hotel's record company that their new manager had given him. Anthony was new at the job, but he was a hard worker and took good care of the band. Still, Bill missed Paul and so did the rest of Tokio Hotel. Paul was like family. He'd left Tokio Hotel's management a few months earlier so he could switch to another job in the company. One that meant he wouldn't have to travel that much; that meant he could spend more time with his family. Paul's decision had made Bill wonder about his own life, what he was doing. Sure, Stefani and him had amazing careers. She'd freak out, but she wouldn't turn him down if he asked her to marry him and settle down.

Still, he couldn't marry her just yet. Not when he wasn't sure of whether she was the only one he loved, or even if he really loved her at all. He couldn't admit it to himself, but he could say it to himself pretending it was a lie. He still loved Gabe.

"Bill!" she called out again.

"Come here," he replied stubbornly, turning a page in the document. The record company was bugging the band about their next album. Apparently, Tokio Hotel was taking too long with the production. Bill had told them repeatedly that he wasn't a machine, and neither was Tom, Georg or Gustav. They needed time to produce something good. Something good couldn't be rushed. He had to call the company and tell them that Tokio Hotel needed just a few more weeks. It wouldn't be a happy phone call, but he had to do it.

"I wanted to surprise you," a soft voice said. Bill finally looked up and his mouth fell open. Stefani was standing at the entrance of the bathroom, a smile on her face and one hand in her hair. She wiped her feet on the mat outside the bathroom gently before looking up at him. Their eyes met and he felt that familiar out-of-body feeling wash over him as it always did whenever he saw her in lingerie. She was wearing a lacy black chemise this time. He had to admit, she hadn't worn something as covered-up to bed in a long while. Normally she wouldn't wear anything, and he was fine with it. In fact he loved it. But once in a while, Bill didn't mind having something on her that he could take off.

The hem of the dress-like fabric Stefani wore stopped several inches below her hips, but the neckline was low enough to show cleavage, and a lot of it. Her breasts weren't big. He knew she was an 34A, but her confidence made 34A seem like the perfect size. To him at least. Bill's line of sight moved downward, egged on by the sheerness of the lace and glimpses of her pale skin from beneath the fabric. He felt the sudden urge to rip the chemise off in its entirety and run his hands over her bare stomach underneath.

"I am surprised," he mumbled slowly, not taking his eyes off Stefani's body. Usually black would have been a harsh contrast against her white skin but the soft orange lighting of the hotel room didn't allow for that to happen. She walked up to the bed slowly, giving Bill enough time to look at her all he wanted, until she was about as close as she could get to it without being on top of it. Bill had absolutely no interest in the letter he was holding whatsoever and threw it aside, not stopping to see where it landed. He got onto his knees and clumsily made his way in front of her. Sliding one hand underneath the fabric and around her waist, he pulled her as close as he could towards him and kissed her on the lips. Stefani sank into his chest willingly and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Open your mouth boy. Show me what you've got" she muttered, smiling slightly as she leaned into him further. Recognizing what she said as lyrics from his favorite song off one of her albums, Bill couldn't help but to smile back.

"You asked for it, Lady," he said coyly, moving one hand down under her knees and the other behind her back. He picked her up off the floor effortlessly and brought her to the pillows at the head of the bed, dropping her on them gently enough not to hurt her. He couldn't have picked Gabe up like that. Gabe was a few inches shorter than him, but not as skinny because of all the time he spent working out in the gym. He had tried to drag Bill along with him, but Bill never let it happen. Bill realised he'd been absolutely still for about 5 seconds when Stefani grabbed a fistful of his grey, cotton shirt on the front and pulled him down towards her. He followed, roughly yanking the shirt off along the way and thrusting it aside as he leaned over her body. She was shorter than him by more than a foot. That made leaning over her the easiest thing. He parted his lips and slipped his tongue into her warm mouth, letting her play with it for a second, then slowly moved his head downwards to cover her neck and collarbones with kisses.

"I can't," he thought, almost disgusted at himself. He tried not to think, focusing instead on using one of his hands to push the hem of her lacy chemise up so that he could run his fingers down the delicate lace panties she wore underneath. The motion didn't seem natural. In fact, it seemed forced. But the sound of her moaning into his ear made him begin to like it. Goosebumps formed on his skin where her breath touched. He knew that she loved what he was doing to her but it didn't stop him from wondering if those goosebumps could ever rival the ones that Gabe had the ability to give him. He stopped himself thinking and moved one of his hands down to where he knew she liked it the most. He wanted to give her exactly what she wanted. She let out another moan and thrust her head backwards on the pillow, her breathing getting heavier as he worked on her. Bill wanted this, and so did Stefani. But his mind didn't do as his hands told it to and he found himself himself pulling back instead.

"Bill?" she muttered, her voice laced with disappointment and concern as he took his hands away, beginning to distance himself from her. She was still breathless. He felt good whenever he'd managed to make her breathless, but now wasn't the time for him to feel good about anything. He didn't deserve to. He sat down cross-legged on the bed. Choosing to avoid her eyes, Bill looked down at the expensive beige sheets. Stefani pushed herself higher up on the pillows, the hem of her chemise falling back on her thigh.

"Gaga," he said, calling her by a nickname he seldom used. It meant crazy. She just stared. He didn't say anything else, merely pulling the quilt on the bed away slightly to crawl underneath it and rest his head on one of the pillows, facing away from her. She continued looking at him for a while, then switched the bedside lamp off to do the same. She gently placed an arm around him as she always did, and he winced. Then he felt guilty knowing he wouldn't have done that if it were Gabe instead.


	5. Chapter 5

We're here," Katy said stonily, stopping the car. They were in a dusty parking lot that looked completely deserted except for the few parked cars that peppered the space. She pulled the key out of the ignition and unbuckled her seatbelt, turning towards Gabe. For a second he thought she was about to hug him. Instead, she reached for her bag on the backseat and got out of the car with it hugged to her chest. Slamming the door shut behind her, she waited for Gabe to do the same. He did. Katy pressed a button on the key once he was done and after making sure the car was locked, stormed off the parking lot. She was heading towards a run down building that looked as if it came right of a ghetto in Detroit.

"This is where you've been staying?" Gabe asked, a hint of disgust in his voice. He had to run to keep up with her.

"Better than the shit you've been staying in," Katy shot back. Gabe frowned slightly. She was being difficult. He knew had to cut her some slack. She did have good reason for being mad at him. Disappearing for a long time and then turning up as a complete failure wasn't the sort of gift to give the girl who'd been your best friend for years.

"I know you're pissed at me but come on, you can't help me if you keep being like this," he told her simply. She relaxed a little.

"I know, Gabe. I know," she sighed, "My flat's numbered #013." They walked up to a green door, the only door he could see on the red-brick building. She unlocked it using a copper key that she'd pulled out from her back pocket. Once the door was pushed open Gabe could see the reasonably good-looking hallway behind it for the first time. He actually liked it. The stench of mothballs and old rags was heavy in the air but the pictures of Bible scenes that hung on the walls and the worn out carpet gave an old-world feel to the place that he could live with.

"The landlady's a churchie," Katy told him as she led him up a flight of stairs. That explained the figures of Christ and Mother Mary on a small chest of drawers next to the stairs. Gabe didn't say anything about them, or the landlady. He'd lost all hope on the motherfucker everyone called god and if god really existed, then all Gabe wanted to do was to give him a punch on the face. No, he wouldn't limit himself. He'd give as many punches as he wanted and then spit on whatever spot that was left that he'd missed. Katy turned left at the top and walked to the end of the hallway, to the last door.

"This is my flat," she said, unlocking and opening it. Gabe barely had time to absorb the place when a white furball shot at him. He swore and jumped backwards. It was a dog.

"Is this thing yours?" Gabe asked, shocked. He knew Katy loved dogs but she'd always been adament about never having one as a pet. She was more of a small animal person.

"No, I'm letting it stay here for a friend while she's out of town," she said, entering and putting her bag down on the counter top. The open kitchen was right beside the door, and the living room was small. In fact it only had enough space for a sofa and a tv. There was no coffee table, just a dark red rug that extended under the couch where there should have been one. There was a small hallway that led to two other rooms, the only bedroom in the house, and a small bathroom.

"I hope he doesn't bite my dick off," Gabe mumbled, looked up and away from the dog. Katy walked forward with her hands in her pockets.

"It's not much," she said, turning to look at him, "But i'd rather you stay here than be out on the streets."

"Like you said, it's better than the shit I've been staying in," Gabe told her as he walked in and closed the door behind him, making sure the furball hadn't run outside. He never liked small dogs. Bill and Tom kept two Dalmatians. Those he liked. But a Maltese who looked like it could have been made out of a pack of cotton balls, not so much.

"You'll have to sleep on the couch. I've got some extra blankets in my cupboard. I'll get you those. Do you want to shower?" she asked.

"Yeah. I think I need it, and the couch is fine," he told her.

"Alright," she said, walking out of the room and disappearing into the hallway. Gabe remembered something.

"Katy?" he called out.

"Yeah?" she replied, coming back into the living room.

"I kind of, didn't have dinner, or lunch, or breakfast. Do you mind maybe fixing me up something? Or if you're tired I could go out and get something to eat instead," he explained.

"I'll fix you something, Gabe. Go shower. You're right, you kind of need it," she said. Gabe smiled at her and she smiled back. Her smile seemed forced, as if she'd completely forgotten how to smile at him. Or maybe she had botox done. Gabe didn't hover on that thought. He was just happy not to have her shouting insults or throwing things at him like he knew he deserved. He put his bag down on the couch and unzipped it to rummage through what was left of his life. He found a bar of soap that he'd used a couple of weeks back. He remembered buying it so that he could take a bath in the sink at a gas station.

"We need to talk, after you shower," he heard Katy say from her bedroom.

"About what?" he asked.

"About Bill," she replied. Gabe heard the sound of a door closing right after she'd finished speaking. Katy had shut her bedroom door so he wouldn't have the chance to say no.


End file.
